Today has been an okay day I must say. I haven’t tripped over anything, I Karate chopped some cardboard boxes, I fell in love with three different women who didn’t look me in the eye, this has been a good day! No high fives unfortunately. Days just aren’t complete without those. There’s still time to get that done. I just don’t want to turn desperate. I don’t want to become a crazed man uncontrollably obsessed with the high five. I don’t want to break out into a sweat and start crying in desperation. I don’t want that. That’s how you accidentally high five bears, and that’s not good for anyone…..well except bears. Bears suck…. I mean they don’t literally suck. They usually chew, and crush, and hug. That’s why they have a hug named after them.
Yes that looks very pleasant
Speaking of bears, why do we like them so much? It’s because they’re furry right? Because that thing is a monster! It’s a huge, soft, cuddly beast of death. Why do we make them cute cartoons? Can we stop doing that? I’m anti that. No more that! Stop that!
Eventually the honey wasn’t enough. He ate them all!
Only you can prevent forest fires, and if you don’t I’ll f***ing kill you, if you do I’ll f****ing kill you, because I’m a f***ing bear!
I’m preparing for the war man. I’m preparing. I’m getting ready. You know those animals have something planned. I can’t be the only one that thinks this. I’m not the only one thinking that they’re just bidding their time, have mastered language, and perfected the most deadliest of Kung fu. Animals are better at Kung fu that’s a bold faced fact!
Everyone knows they perfected the straight jab, and the counter jab bite. They’ll bite your jab!
Can you imagine a clan of bears waiting at your door? How about if they demand in perfect English that you come out with promises of no harm. You know they’re going to harm you that’s what makes it scary. I’m preparing for that. It’s not going to happen to me! They’re going to knock (they’re polite bears) and I’m going to throw grenades at them! With action movie slow motion precision I will leap out the back amongst the backdrop of a giant explosion and the bears will be dead…..and I will have won. Grenades are awesome.
And what’s better than an explosion leap with friends?
What’s my point? Prepare for bears, because they’re bears. Also don’t hug them. Don’t pet cubs they’re the evilest ones…..also invest in grenades. Good bear killing grenades. This is all sane stuff to write.
rickydeanhall 